On the Redoubtable Bean

Never chic, never gracing the pedestal, never enduring the merciless glare of public adulation, the inglorious bean, our action-packed legumous pal, has a potent flaw that keeps it, if anywhere, on many back burners.

This meek and simple-hearted seed, whose dignity is born of its prolific growth, its easy storage,and its subsequent usefulness to the proletariat, is largely shunned by the humorless gourmand because of its lush engagement with the average digestive system.

We are social creatures. We want to be noticed, we want to impress, to gather plums; we don ' t seek, usually, to stand alone. Therefore, unfairly, we ban the bean.

I think this point of view should be reconsidered. The humble bean family should enjoy a place at any table. A meal of hearty, honest, moral beans has little impact on the budget, the arteries, and the world food supply . We should not fear the consequences.

Long car trips, imminent public meetings, weddings, romantic rendezvous, might preclude the pleasures of dining on beans on occasion.

And beware, of course, of prankster cooks, invested with a baleful, even ghastly wit, who might, just for laughs, choose the path of sabotage and feed the most delicious and resounding beans to the bus passenger, the incumbent, the innocent bride, the lovelorn.

So, keep an eye on the cook and the calendar as well . But do not disregard the bean . It is a pearl of little price, a gem of clean protein and flavor that travels the globe.

It freezes. It can be squashed, pickled, souped, or refried; baked, nuked, honeyed, or slathered with incendiary spices, and wrapped, spread, daubed, dipped, slipped into pretty bowl and eaten plain.

If you like beans already, or if you just like a bit of disorder now and again; if you have Falstaff in residence, if you are broke or hungry, if you want something easy and cozy and good, get some black/Cuban/turtle beans.

Five cups of dry beans will expand to fill a large crockpot and provide two meals, and more, to a good-sized family. Add water to the brim and turn it on.

If you must, by the way, whether for the sake of your delicacy, your reputation, global warming, etc., forestall the inevitable report, put a slice of fresh ginger into the soak water right away. It disarms the beans without adding its flavor. Tossing the nutrient-rich water is not required.

Prepare some light bread dough. A one loaf batch will make 4-5 calzones. Chill. By the time the beans are tender, all will be ready to assemble into Black Bean Calzones.

About an hour before serving time. remove the dough from the fridge. Drain the beans and allow them to cool.

In a large skillet, heat 2 T. olive oil and saute in it, 1/2 good sized red onion, diced. When it is barely tender, add about 3 cloves garlic, minced if you want to leave them in, pressed if you wish to remove them. Stir and cook for about 3 minutes, then remove from heat.

Meanwhile roast 3-6 fresh Anaheim chilies in a very lot oven, under a broiler, or on top of the stove. When the skins are black and brittle, pull them out and let the chilies

cool under a cover. Peel the loose skin, remove the seeds and chop up everything else. Add to the onion mixture. and set aside in a bowl.

You can use canned chilies here--flame roasted much preferred, but the fresh ones are superior and the process takes just a few minutes actually, unless you get terribly finicky about bits of skin- I don't.

Now, if you like chorizo or hot Italian sausage, kjelbasa, chop up a 1/2 - 3/4 pound, skinning the soft ones, and cook it over medium heat in that big skillet. When this is fully cooked and drained, add it to the onion-chili mixture, add 2-3 C. beans, and toss in 1/2 tsp. salt and 1/4 tsp black pepper. Adjust to suit your taste.

Divide the dough into 4-5 balls on a well floured board. It's nice to have help with this part.

Roll each ball to an 8" circle. Add the fillings, improvising with cottage or ricotta cheese, olives, cilantro, salsa, cayenne, red sweet peppers, fresh tomatoes, etc. Top with grated jalapeno Jack cheese (about 1#).

Fold the dough over the filling, forming half circles, crimping the edges firmly to seal. Brush the tops with a little olive oil, sprinkle with additional cheese, pierce the tops to release steam, transfer them to oiled cookie sheets that have been dusted with corn meal, and bake at 500 degrees for 25 minutes. Allow to cool a bit before serving.

Good gooey beans. Plenty of plain ones left to make chili with the next day. Sing now, sing back to them their praises.