ID and Rockworms

“Evolution Slate Outpolls Rivals” blared the headlines from a recent New York Times. Holy cats, how this Intelligent Design applesauce has evolved. School board members in Dover, Pennsylvania, were sued for putting ID into the school curriculum and questioning whether evolution is fact or fancy.

If you have studied the life history and husbanding of the Oregon Rockworm as long as I have you would know — without a doubt — that evolution, i.e. “any process for formation or growth; development…” (The American College Dictionary, Random House, 1963) is not only possible, it is necessary for the survival of the species.

The August 2, 1995 issue of The Nugget published my scientific paper that revealed to the World of Science the existence of the Oregon Rockworm, Boreus hardheadis (Oregonius). My discovery was based on three outstanding pieces of irrefutable scientific findings:

Rockworm borings in lava rock alongside the Santiam Highway above Suttle and Detroit lakes, and evidence of gaseous expansion of said rock (by rockworms); drain tubes installed by ODOT in concrete facings above Suttle Lake to prevent erosion and further expansion from rockworms’ waste products; nets placed at strategic points near Detroit Dam to capture and/or prevent rockworms from endangering motorists and/or ruining the pavement.

Rockworm borings showed the animals to be approximately two inches in diameter, perhaps a foot or so long and with an extremely hard head and explosive waste products.

It is obvious that flatulenting gases of rockworms is so powerful that it blew apart the lava rock and posed a serious threat to ODOT’s attempts at maintaining our highways. If the exhaust gases are that powerful, ODOT engineers must have reasoned, the corrosive agencies in other waste products would be worse, hence the drainpipes placed in the highway cut above Suttle Lake. This line of scientific reasoning also prompted highway department biologists to place rockworm capture nets near Detroit Lake.

Unfortunately however, the huge expanses of netting placed on the hillsides above Detroit Lake never captured a rockworm.That was 1995, and things change with time…

I am excited to tell you I recently obtained photographs of Oregon Rockworms, which not only expanded their range throughout Oregon, but into Nevada, California, Idaho, and Arizona and evolved into a new species, Horribilis Oregonassi.

The extended range of rockworms provided an opportunity for the species to alter its diet, which in turn caused it to expand in size and evolve from rock-eaters to predators. I believe that Darwin claimed habitat is instrumental in bringing about change of development and growth.

If you look at the photo above, you can see my daughter, Miriam, bolting from a savage rockworm that is staked down (by ODOT engineers) to prevent it from leaping out at unsuspecting pedestrians, bikers and motorists.

I have taken the time to reveal this exciting proof of how evolution works in our Oregon wildlife in the event the Sisters School Board decides to place Intelligent Design into the school curriculum.

I hope that my efforts will prevent a recall, lawsuits, and hard feelings in our community. Or, the school board may agree with Judy McLlvaine in Laurie Goodstein’s New York Times article: “We are all for it (ID) being discussed, but we do not want it in biology class.”

That may be the best way to treat this confabulating controversy: place the whole goofy business in a philosophical context.

Let us make up our own minds and stop trying to shove it down others’ throats. After all, it is a fact that today’s scientists evolved from yesterday’s philosophizers and (most) religions are an ever-changing philosophy.