And you think Oregon has troubles...

As many of my friends and readers know, I just spent a week with my son, Ross, in Florida.

It probably would have been smart of me to wait until January to take him up on the offer. But schedules are hard to match when 3,000 miles separate father and son, especially when son is busy keeping track of a bunch F-16 fighter pilots.

There was only one disappointment; I didn't get a ride in an F-16. I was really hoping, but there wasn't a two-holer available, and when I asked Ross for the keys to his Viper Jet, and promised to be home at midnight, he shook his head and said, "Sorry, Pop, no streaking around in an F-16 for you..."

I didn't think that was fair; after all, I gave him the keys when he wanted them.

About that photo above: That's Toby Hairston the "Bird Man," holding one of Florida's invasive species problems. It's an Asian monitor lizard over six feet long and is only one example of what an escapee from the pet trade has done - and is still doing - to the indigenous wildlife of Florida.

That six-foot piece of teeth and claws is exterminating the endangered Florida Burrowing Owl, along with anything else it can catch and eat - and it can catch and eat a lot! These giant lizards are the result of people releasing so-called "pets" that have become too big to handle, unwanted or for some other goofy reason. Moreover, the monitor lizard is only one of hundreds of mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, plants and insects that don't belong.

The only good thing I can say about them is they taste like chicken; I ate several while living with an Aborigine family in Australia.

Toby has the responsibility of keeping Homestead AFB base safe for aircraft operating to and from the base. "Safe" as in keeping birds from being ingested by jet engines and/or colliding with aircraft. He does this as a contracted Wildlife Services biologist employed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Wildlife Services, a branch of the USDA Animal and Plant Health Service (APHS), handles wildlife damage complaints and control of invasive species. Unlike the defunct Predator and Rodent Control (PARC) of the US Fish and Wildlife Service that trapped, poisoned and killed coyotes and other "pests" wherever they found them, Wildlife Services is made up of trained biologists who take into consideration ecological interactions before they act.

They also operate within state wildlife guidelines, not as the old PARC trappers who spread their traps and poison wherever it suited them.

Toby was just as excited about seeing a small group of Florida Burrowing owls that had survived the plundering monitor lizards, as he was showing me my first ever huge American Crocodile in a pond on the air base.

Military facilities, especially Air Force bases with thousands of acres required for runways and other uses are, like-it-or-not, wildlife refuges. The chances of a conflict between aircraft and wildlife are always on the surface.

A monitor lizard like that above suddenly racing across the runway in front of a departing or landing F-16 would be a disaster. Turkey Vultures and Black Vultures are soaring and flying through the airport traffic areas and pose a serious hazard to aircraft.

Obviously, killing birds that threaten aircraft safety is not an option. Not only would that bring every bird-lover down on the Air Force and Wildlife Services personnel, but also there would be no end to it. To keep birds from the runways, Toby uses a variety of scare tools: smoke bombs, fireworks, noisemakers and other such deterrents. Modifying habitat to make it less attractive to wildlife is also a preventative tool in his backpack.

Because the entire area of southern Florida is a huge swamp, there are drainage channels everywhere. In between the ditches, there are cities, towns, enormous urban sprawl, snowbird habitat, farmland, military bases and thousands of acres of primitive wildlife habitat. The ambient warmth, water and sunshine combined makes all these areas ideal for everything that escapes or is turned loose to survive and reproduce.

So, the next time you're grumbling about starlings or pulling knapweed or mullein, thank your lucky stars you don't have to climb a tree to get out of the way of a six-foot monitor lizard.