Thinking about giving thanks

As we approach the day set aside to give thanks and show gratitude, have we given much thought to how this important skill is taught and passed on? There’s so much our kids enjoy without a second thought of how it has come to be. Even when they politely say, “thank you,” does it really register what it would be like to be without their many blessings?

When it comes to teaching skills most adults recognize the importance of role modeling to exemplify the characteristic we want to pass on.

How are we doing? On Thanksgiving Day, we will probably do a pretty good job. With extended families and friends gathering, we’ll be careful to be on our best behavior. Parents will remind kids to use their manners, to say “please” and “thank you.” Unfortunately, the reasons behind all this nice behavior can easily be forgotten.

 As much as we’d like to shield our kids from the horrors experienced by many, exposing them to the knowledge that some have far less than they can create awareness of the bounty of their lives. Perhaps a day of hunger, when meals are sparse and less appealing, could be a concrete way to experience what it means to go without. A discussion about what it costs to feed your family three meals a day and recognition of the time and effort put into work to earn that money will give more meaning to those words, “thank you.”

Have your kids accompany you to the food bank to deliver items. Make your donations things your kids take for granted, such as sandwich bread, peanut butter, salt and pepper, toilet paper, flour, sugar, and apples. Point out that there are families where these kinds of staples are missing. Help young ones grasp the idea that nothing is automatic. This discussion can quickly lead towards feelings of thankfulness and what it means to be grateful.

Open-ended questions such as, “How would you get to soccer if our car broke down?” or “What would you miss most if you suddenly couldn’t go to school?” can help even young kids recognize the importance of everyday things. They may need your help in understanding that what they feel is called gratitude.

An example from my family, which has nothing to do with being thankful but a whole lot to do with teaching something important, happened a few years back. We lived in Louisville, Kentucky, and because it is part of the culture of that fair city, Ted and I decided it would be fun to take our daughters to the horse races. We weren’t going to bet. We were going to have fun together while leaving their two younger brothers with a sitter. We dressed up, felt the excitement of driving to the track, walked around the paddocks, petted the horses, and heard the roar of the crowd as each race came to an end. To top it off, we decided to bet on the last race. As hoped for, our horse was in the winning circle. The girls immediately concluded that this was an easy, fun way to make money! That was not what we wanted them to take away from this fun day! Hoping to counteract this “get rich” scheme, we engaged their new math skills and quickly dispelled that notion. Adding up the cost of the sitter, gasoline, entrance fees, and dinner, our daughters concluded that our winnings had in no way covered the cost of our outing.

Conscious lessons such as this go a long way in getting a point across. Look for them as you work to help your kids understand exactly what the words “thank you,” really mean.

In the process, also do a mental check on what other societal norms may be slipping away, just because we older folk are forgetting to model them. One that comes to mind is the correct response when someone says, “thank you.” When you listen to news interviews you may hear something like, “thank you for being here.” Often, the reply will be, “thank you for having me.” The correct response would be to say, “You’re welcome,” followed by “thank you for having me.” “You’re Welcome” is becoming a forgotten phrase, however, it is an important one. It tells the person who said, “thank you,” that they were heard, and that their gratitude is appreciated. That one phrase can go a long way in helping your kids recognize the importance of a sincere, “Thank You.”

Thanksgiving Day is upon us. Help your kids learn its meaning by expressing heartfelt gratitude for the abundance you enjoy.

Readiness to learn depends on starting early.

Our children’s future depends on the parenting of today.