Navigating the holidays in a season of grief

Festive, cheerful, joyous, and celebratory — these are the emotions we often associate with the holiday season. Yet for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can evoke vastly different feelings. Words like dread, fear, anxiety, and loneliness emerged during a recent seminar here is Sisters that focused on helping people cope with grief during the holidays.

Although grief is felt every day of the year, the empty chair at holiday gatherings can amplify the sense of loss, especially for those facing their first holiday season without a loved one. Some may find comfort in maintaining cherished traditions as a way to honor the person they’ve lost, while others may prefer to create new customs that reflect their changing circumstances. There is no “right” answer—what matters is acknowledging that this holiday season will feel different.

Whether you are grieving or supporting someone who is, making a plan for holiday gatherings can help ease the anxiety and create a more meaningful experience. Open communication, honesty about your needs, and a willingness to adapt are key.

Here are some helpful ideas to guide your planning:

• Include everyone in the planning process: In many families, multiple people may be grieving the same loss, yet each person’s journey is unique. Involving everyone in the conversation allows for shared decision-making and ensures that all voices are heard.

• Discuss traditions: Decide together which traditions to keep and which to adjust. Will you gather at the same location or change the time and setting? Identify traditions that may be particularly challenging — like gift-giving, decorating, or attending a religious service — and discuss how to approach them, whether by modifying, skipping, or supporting one another through them.

• Assign roles thoughtfully: A loved one’s absence often leaves gaps in holiday responsibilities. Be mindful when reassigning tasks. Some may find comfort in stepping into a role, while others may not feel ready. Never assume or pressure someone to take on a task; instead, offer options and respect boundaries.

• Honor your loved one: Avoiding or ignoring your loved one’s absence can add to the weight of grief. Instead, find ways to honor their memory. Look at photos, share stories, light a candle in their name, or set a place for them at the table. These gestures provide a meaningful way to keep their presence alive while acknowledging the reality of loss.

If you are grieving, it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being during this emotionally demanding time. Reflect on what will be most helpful for you when you face the difficult times that you know will come:

• Who can you lean on during tough moments? Is there a family member or a friend that understands you more than anyone else does?

• Are there activities or quiet moments that bring you comfort?

• Do you find solace in prayer or time with God, sharing your pain and seeking His peace?

Take time to identify ways to care for yourself, whether through the support of loved ones, moments of solitude, or meaningful rituals that bring healing.

However you choose to navigate this holiday season, remember that there is no “right way” to grieve. While a part of your heart will feel the absence of your loved one, you may also find joy in remembering holidays shared together. Lean on those who care about you, and let their love and support carry you through.

For those seeking hope and comfort during the Christmas season, consider attending the Blue Christmas service at Sisters Community Church on Saturday, December 21, at 3 p.m. This contemplative service offers a quiet space to acknowledge the heaviness of grief while hearing a message of encouragement and hope.

Editor’s note: Todd Veenhuis is President & Founder-Kim’s Hope.