In The Pines: Happy hols, regardless

Happy holidays, y’all! Here we are in beautiful Sisters Country, awaiting snow and hoping there’ll be enough for a New Year’s Eve party at Hoodoo. Awaiting the first night of Hanukkah, which falls on Christmas Day this year.

Awaiting prezzies and family dinners, Santa Claus and Midnight Mass. Awaiting song and candles. Awaiting whatever traditions we’ve inherited or created for ourselves, with our biological families, adopted families, or families chosen in adulthood.

Personally, I’m a sucker for holiday cards and classic holiday playlists studded with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Johnny Mathis, and Bing Crosby. Oh, and getting our Christmas tree tag at Bi-Mart, then driving west of town with our trusty saw to help the U.S. Forest Service thin out the young firs.

Holiday cheer can extend to both consumption-happy Black Friday shoppers and post-punks who celebrate Buy Nothing Day. It brings merry tidings to boisterous yuletide punch drinkers and abstemious Lutherans alike; somehow I grew up among both.

The darkest, shortest days of the year can use a little holiday splendor, feasting, and lights — for atheists, Baptists, Kwanzaa celebrants, Episcopalians, woods-wandering winter witches, Krampus fans, agnostics, and solstice-loving SBNRs (Spiritual But Not Religious, the fastest-growing spiritual category among Americans).

It’s also a fraught time of year for many. Gatherings can mean conflicts. Some may invoke big stuff: past traumas, political arguments, long-held religious disagreements.

Others may come down to the strain and stresses of hosting out-of-town guests or traveling to someone else’s location. Or just grousing about food: Why can’t Cousin Emma eat ham like everyone else? Darned vegans! Etc.

My family will undoubtedly experience some of these issues. I hope we’ll be able to see each other as real and whole human beings, as loving people who are allowed to have differences when it comes to opinion, spiritual practice or lack thereof, and of course, food.

When we do get stressed out — and we will — I hope we’ll remember to stop and breathe. Those who get wound up easily, and you’ll just have to guess as to whether I am among them, may do well to duck out of the house and take a long walk in the forest.

Or savor a long bath. Or hide in a darkened room, watching Netflix for an hour to escape the hubbub. Or find it necessary to drive into town on a suddenly essential errand.

About that Netflix thing: sometimes our digital devices soothe us and provide a non-alcoholic, non-vapey route to escapism. Grabbing a phone to photograph the family around the Christmas tree might be great. Ditto setting up a short FaceTime with loved ones far away.

But largely, our phones and tablets disconnect us from our surroundings, from the people we’ve decided to be with during this special if hectic season. They even disconnect us from ourselves: our feelings, thoughts, and bodies.

All this is obvious, if we keep an eye on ourselves and those around us. Science and research and fancy things like that also show it’s true. Too much tech — the normal amount most of us are exposed to every day — is fragmenting and distracting.

Spending loads of time on screens is bad for our moods any time of the year. It leads to depression, anxiety, and the physical consequences of scrolling or gaming all day. We’re sitting on our butts instead of getting exercise and partaking in the mood-enhancing goodness of nature and the outdoors.

So yeah. Consider asking for phone-free times at holiday get-togethers. No phones at the table. No TV or radio blathering in the background throughout the festivities. Just real people, hanging out.

Sure, someone will dash outside (or monopolize the bathroom — not cool!) to spend a little quality time with their 3,500 closest friends on TikTok. Still, establishing a norm of put-the-phone-away can really help folks come together.

If I sound a bit giddy, it’s because I do love the holidays, warts and all. I was once attacked during this time of year, and the trauma lingered; it was worth working through and getting past.

Some folks experience moods, emotions, seasonal affective disorder, or family chaos to such a degree that this time of year cannot be embraced. To them I extend heartfelt healing beams. I hope you get through it okay and come out the other side.

It might be helpful to join in the Blue Christmas service at Sisters Community Church on Saturday, December 21, at 3 p.m. for those having a hard time or experiencing grief.

If you feel wretchedly depressed or suicidal, consider reaching out for professional help. Mental health practitioners can tell you: you’re not alone. Tons of people call this time of year in pain and overwhelmed.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, dial 988 on your phone, or in Deschutes County try 541-322-7500 extension 9. You can also call 800-875-7364 or get to the new-ish Stabilization Center in Bend. I’ve heard it’s great! It’s open 24/7.

However your holiday season rolls out, I wish you and yours the best season possible.